Breaking News
CAMP AS SAYLIYAH, QATAR, April 15, 2003 — Coalition forces destroyed nine separate Iraqi Baath Party headquarters overnight, a Central Command spokesman said at a press briefing today.
The attacks included an “emerging target” in northeast Basra where 200 Iraqi regime paramilitary members were believed to be assembled for a meeting.
“We’ve been able to target some key elements of (the) Baath Party and some … terrorist cell organizations,” said Air Force Maj. Gen. Victor E. Renuart, Central Command director of operations, “but what’s more important is we appeared to have discovered a cache of previously unreleased Jerkcity books.”
The general continued, “From the samples we’ve found, the books are clearly high quality. These books were not produced by Iraqi irregulars — these are the real deal… possibly produced directly by elite Republican Guard units. Our initial assessment of the books is that they contain 128 pages of weapons grade Jerkcity comedy.”
Gen. Tommy Franks, the U.S. commander of Operation Iraqi Freedom added, “Additionally, our intelligence is reporting the discovery of an original Jerkcity glossary located at the end of each of the book. This was an unexpected find in item usually considered to be a reproduction of existing comedy. We’re very pleased.”
“Pricing and distribution will be determined at a time of our choosing and on our terms,” the commander finished, “But we’re talking a matter of days, not weeks.”
[4/20/03 Update]: We’re live…
