Two years ago, I figured out my favorite pen was no longer being produced in its current form. A quick scan of my local office supply stores revealed nothing. This fact, along with the total lack of auctions on eBay featuring my now discontinued pen showed me that a) I was screwed, and b) I’d become fond of an unremarkable pen.

I avoided a total pen breakdown for a few months simply by looking for this pen in my home and work environments, as I was sure I’d find remnants of the six boxes of pens that had mysteriously liberated themselves from my office over the past four years. In a week, I’d built a small stockpile of reclaimed, partially used pens, but it is a fundamental law of office supplies that a pen wants to be free. Despite my best efforts, my stockpile was slowly depleted.
The crisis arrived in the last month when a rush purchase at Office Depot resulted in a jar full of pens that demonstrated some of the worst writing utensil characteristics: cheap feel and erratic ink flow. Each time I picked this pen up I felt, “Everything I’m about to write is going to look like crap.”
It’s time for an educated change.
The Joy Vectors
Each time I pick up and use a pen, I want to feel a bit of joy. These joy vectors are:
I also have existing baggage regarding pens.
First, my assumption is that the more moving parts in a pen, the less precision I have when the pen tip touches the paper. I have not deconstructed a retractable pen, but my gut tells me I lose energy among the pen casing, the retracting mechanism, and the tip. This is one reason that I am biased against pens that click. The other reason is… they click. Over the past few weeks of my pen evaluations, I’ve noticed that when most people pick up a retractable pen, they click it, roughly five times. Not joking.
Second, and related to the moving parts issue, I’m not a fan of the cushioned grip pens. The cushioned grip reminds me of third grade when Ms. Ockerman handed out these humongous, triangular, watermelon-scented grips for our pencils. They made me feel clumsy then and they make my pens feel squishy now. People. I have finger strength. Really.
Lastly, and most important, I only use gel-based pens. I don’t know when I made the transition, but I can tell you when I’m not using one because I immediately throw it away — I despise how non-gel-based ink plays on the paper. But I don’t know why. Turns out it’s the gel. Go figure. According to Wikipedia, “What distinguishes a gel pen from a ballpoint pen is the gel ink which consists of pigment suspended in a water-based gel.” They go on to describe, “… how gel inks resist common laboratory analysis.” I’ll translate both facts: if you’re using gel-based pens, you’re going to get deep, rich lines which can not be traced by covert agencies. Bonus!
Interface Points
Using the joy vectors as a structure, I returned to Office Depot and purchased six pens all in roughly the same price range. With each of these pens, I conducted three tests:
The Glamour Test
You can scroll to the bottom if you’d like to see the names of the six pens I ended up selecting, but you’ll have more fun waiting. The results of the Glamor Test were:
| # | Type | Size | Tip | Casing and Grip | Weight | Spin |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Retractable | .7 | Plastic | Comfortable — not too big — boring cushioned grip | Very light | Hard to spin |
| 2 | Retractable | .7 | Metal | Cheap plastic casing — large and clumsy | Heavy | Very spinnable |
| 3 | Capped | .8 | Metal | Cheap casing and grip | Weight is right | Spins well |
| 4 | Retractable | .37 | Metal | Solid feel — shortest of the six which leads to odd balance | Weight is right | Shockingly, very spinnable |
| 5 | Capped | .5 | Metal | Perfect feel even with the leathery grip | Weight is perfect | Serious spinnage |
| 6 | Capped | .5 | Plastic | Wide feel, slick casing. Meh. | No issues here | I can spin this pen |
The Line Test
For our next test, I drew a straight line using a ruler. This brings up the sensitive issue of what paper to use. I’m going to avoid this entire debate and just use a Moleskine simply because if you’re going to have an argument about pens with anyone, chances are there’s a Moleskine nearby.
Photos of this size really don’t tell you much, so, for the next two tests, I recommend looking at the larger size. My methodology in this shot was simple: plant the pen on one end of the paper, grab the ruler, and then draw a straight line across the paper. You’ll notice an unexpected piece of data in that during the time I fumbled with ruler placement, you can see how the paper soaked in the ink. You’d think this was a function of the nib, or tip, size, but you can clearly see that #2 with a .7mm nib soaked in much quicker than the larger #3. Wonder what is going on there.

The line test shot doesn’t tell much unless you’re doing the lines yourself, but:
The Writing Test
All of this pen fretting leads to the final test: how does it write? How does it perform when the last thing you want to do is think about the pen rather than what you’re writing? Here’s how they look:

As with the line test, examining a much larger shot may prove more interesting. My observations and eliminations:
The Wrap Up
The pens in this competition were:
| # | Name | Type | Size | Result |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Pilot G-2 | Retractable | .7 | Winner! |
| 2 | PenTel Energel | Retractable | .7 | Eliminated — Unwieldy size and cheap casing |
| 3 | Pentel Hybrid Gel Roller | Capped | .8 | Eliminated — my current replacement and it’s crap |
| 4 | Uni-ball Signo | Retractable | .37 | Eliminated — lines are too thin |
| 5 | Pentel Hybrid Gel Grip | Capped | .5 | Eliminated — no longer readily available. I love this pen |
| 6 | Pilot V-Ball Grip | Capped | .5 | Eliminated — Casing is too big |
Unfortunately, I’m not sold on the winner. After my contest was over, I began to use the G-2 as my go-to pen. While the flow is fine and the feel is good, I’m still not over my precision-loss-to-the-retractable-mechanism paranoia. Fortunately, actively worrying about pens for a few weeks will introduce you to an entire pen sub-culture. After asking friends about their favorite pens, I was sent off to a local Japanese paper store where there was an entire wall of gel pens sporting strange names and being sold in individual plastic wrappers. Visions of a secondary competition starting bouncing around my head.
For now, I’m editing this article in front of the fireplace using a capped G-3. It’s a little wider than I’m used to, but I swear the lack of moving parts is keeping my already messy penmanship in check. Tomorrow, I’m going to give a different Uni-ball Signo a whirl. This badass capped pen is almost an exact replica of my beloved PenTel, including the total absence of a plastic grip.
All of these exotic new pens are a violation of my readily available joy vector, but, you know, I’m prepared to be fond of a remarkable pen.
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